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Kinky Friedman's Guide to Texas Etiquett

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Kinky Friedman's Guide to Texas Etiquett

Or How to Get to Heaven or Hell Without Going Through Dallas-Fort Worth
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Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit! Delivering belly laughs, hee-haws, and downright slackjaw amazement, this hilarious guide to the homeland of George W. and Willie Nelson is the essential...
Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit! Delivering belly laughs, hee-haws, and downright slackjaw amazement, this hilarious guide to the homeland of George W. and Willie Nelson is the essential...
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Description-
  • Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit! Delivering belly laughs, hee-haws, and downright slackjaw amazement, this hilarious guide to the homeland of George W. and Willie Nelson is the essential how-to for surviving in the Lone Star State. From strange Texas laws and the history of Dr. Pepper to "Texas Talk" (in which a "turd floater" is a heavy downpour) and final-meal requests by death row inmates, Kinky Friedman, "the oldest living Jew in Texas who doesn't own any real estate," provides an insider's guide that will be loved by native Texans and the rest of us poor devils alike.

    Even if you don't know the difference between an Aggie and an armadillo -- or what's really in the back on Willie Nelson's tour bus -- you can pass for a Texan with the Kinkster's expert coaching. So grab your hairspray and the keys to the Cadillac and get reading!

Excerpts-
  • Chapter One

    Things You Would Never Hear a Real Texan Say

    • I think that song needs more French horn.
    • Is that tuna dolphin-safe?
    • The tires on that truck are too big.
    • There's no place in my home for obscenity!
    • I believe the proper word is "African-American."
    • I'll have the decaf latte, please.
    • William Robert, you appall me.
    • This red wine has a rather cheeky bouquet.
    • I've got two cases of Perrier for the Super Bowl.
    • Fried pig rinds are disgusting.
    • You're watching football? Change the channel -- Oprah is on!
    • Will you go ahead with a home birth if the baby arrives in Paris?
    • Duct tape won't fix that.
    • Honey, I think we should sell the pickup and buy a family sedan.
    • Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.
    • We don't keep firearms in this house.
    • You can't feed that to the dog.
    • I thought Graceland was tacky.
    • No kids in the back of the pickup; it's just not safe.
    • Wrestling is not real.
About the Author-
  • Kinky Friedman is an author, musician, defender of strays, cigar smoker, and the governor of the heart of Texas.

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    HarperCollins
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  • Copyright Protection (DRM) required by the Publisher may be applied to this title to limit or prohibit printing or copying. File sharing or redistribution is prohibited. Your rights to access this material expire at the end of the lending period. Please see Important Notice about Copyrighted Materials for terms applicable to this content.

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Kinky Friedman's Guide to Texas Etiquett
Kinky Friedman's Guide to Texas Etiquett
Or How to Get to Heaven or Hell Without Going Through Dallas-Fort Worth
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